Hey y’all! It is your girl, Ellen Butterflyy Allen, coming at you with some pure, unfiltered truth. Welcome back to the Life & Bullshit podcast, where we take the life lessons we need, and we leave the bullshit right there on the cutting room floor.

This week, we are not just talking about relationships. We are talking about survival. We are talking about the exact moment you look at your life, your health, and your spirit, and you finally realize that staying is costing you infinitely more than leaving. I sat down with the phenomenal Empress Renee—a survivor, a mother, an entrepreneur, and a woman vibrating on the absolute highest frequency of Divine Feminine Energy.

This conversation was real, it was raw, and honestly? It was necessary. We are living in an unforgiving world right now, ladies. We started this episode heavy because we had to acknowledge a painful reality: in just one month, five women made national headlines because their lives were taken by the men they were tied to. And those are just the ones that made the news. It forces us to ask the hard questions about why Black women are not being protected, and more importantly, how we can start radically protecting ourselves.

Empress Renee opened up about her journey through breast cancer, surviving a thirty-year toxic marriage, and how those trials forced her to reevaluate absolutely everything. Grab your tea, settle in, and let’s get into what it really means to stop extending your own suffering.

The Healthcare Reality: Our Pain Should Speak for Itself

When we hear the word "survivor," people always want the pretty, packaged version. They want the pink ribbons and the smiling finish line. But the process to get there? It is a gritty, rock-bottom journey that requires unshakable, almost unbelievable faith.

Empress Renee is a breast cancer survivor (currently in remission, praise God!), and her journey highlighted a terrifying reality about the medical system. Let’s not mince words: the healthcare system is often prejudiced against African American women. Renee laid it out perfectly. When we walk into a hospital or a clinic, the conversations are different. The level of care is different.

"I don't go in hooping and hollering," Renee told me. "I don't have to clown because I'm in pain. My pain should speak for itself."

How many of us have been in that exact situation? Because we carry our pain with dignity, because we show up looking put-together and strong, the medical establishment assumes our pain isn't real, or that we can simply endure more of it. They expect us to perform our trauma to be taken seriously. Renee had to learn to advocate for herself fiercely. She researched. She walked into doctor's appointments not as a passive patient, but as a woman demanding the exact prescriptions, iron supplements, and care plans she knew her body needed. Advocating for yourself isn't an option for us; it is a matter of life and death.

When she first got the diagnosis, her head was spinning. She completely checked out in the doctor's office. But in that moment of deafening silence, she heard a clear, spiritual voice whisper: "This too shall pass." From that moment on, she knew she had to endure the fire so she could eventually show the world the glory of surviving it.

Clearing the Dead Weight: If You Mattered, You Would Have Known

A major health crisis doesn't just attack your body; it holds a magnifying glass up to your relationships. Because the truth is, you simply cannot afford to carry the emotional weight of other people when your own body is fighting to survive.

For a long time, Renee kept her diagnosis quiet. Only her fiancé, her children, and her sister knew. It wasn't until she beat it and rang the bell that her daughter proudly announced her victory to the extended family and friends. And you know what happened next? The phone calls started pouring in. The guilt trips. The, "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't I know?"

Renee’s response is a masterclass in boundaries: "If you were close enough to me, I would have. If you checked up on me, you would have. If I mattered to you, you would have known."

Boom. Leave that bullshit on the floor.

When you are fighting for your life, the men fall off. The fair-weather friends disappear. And honestly? Let them. Renee told me she had to cut a lot of people off during that season, and she doesn't regret a single one. It taught her to never take a single breath for granted, and more importantly, to never take herself for granted again. We are programmed from birth to take care of everybody else—to be the strong auntie, the reliable daughter, the ride-or-die partner. But when do we save ourselves? You have to know who you are and what your superpowers are before you can pour into anyone else.

Surviving the Setup: Breaking the Addiction to Toxicity

We talk a lot about physical survival, but mental and emotional survival is just as grueling. Sometimes, the most dangerous addiction we have isn't a substance; it’s a toxic relationship.

Renee spent thirty years in a marriage that she ultimately had to drop like a bad habit. She looks back now and extends grace, thanking that relationship for teaching her the lessons that forged her into the powerhouse she is today. But walking away from three decades of history? That is what it means to finally choose your own peace over someone else's comfort.

I had to share my own testimony during this sit-down, because this hits so close to home. My toxic addiction was my ex-husband. I was deeply codependent, wrapped up in the cycle of trying to save a man who was actively draining me. My wake-up call wasn't a cancer diagnosis; it was a stroke.

I woke up in a hospital bed, confused and terrified. I looked over at my husband and asked, "What am I doing here?" He told me I had a stroke. In that moment, he played the perfect part. He promised me the world: "I'm gonna do better. I'm gonna straighten up. I'm not gonna do anything else anymore. I'm just here to take care of you." Y'all, twenty-four hours later, I couldn't find that man anywhere. He vanished. The stress he put me under almost took my life, and when I was at my absolute weakest, he disappeared.

That is the danger of extending your own suffering just to give a man grace. We get so stuck in the "good lay down" that we forget to see what a person is doing for us when we are standing up—or worse, when we can't stand up at all. We have to take accountability for the red flags we ignore, the bandages we put over bullet holes, and the excuses we make for people who show us exactly who they are.

Stepping Into the "Life Era" and Finding Pure Love

But here is the beautiful upside to doing the hard work, clearing the dead weight, and prioritizing your peace: you make room for the blessings you actually deserve.

Renee is now living in her absolute "Life Era." She was sitting across from me glowing, blushing, and looking like a million bucks. Why? Because she is engaged to a good, old-fashioned country man who loves her purely.

Younger women sometimes look at the "50 and Up Club" and think our romantic lives are over. They think we can't blush anymore, date anymore, or find real passion. Let me tell you, that is a lie! Renee is living proof that you can start over, raise your standards, and get a love that honors your sacredness.

Her new man isn't about the flashy, manipulative games. He shows his love through his actions. Sure, he talks a little too much trash sometimes (country boys love to talk!), but Renee has learned the ultimate lesson of the Life & Bullshit philosophy: She takes the good, pure, protective love, and she leaves his extra chatter on the floor. She isn't accepting anything less than what she deserves ever again. In fact, after what she has survived, she demands a little bit extra. And she is getting it.

Knowing Your Worth Applies to the Bank Account, Too

This boundary-setting doesn't just apply to romance; it translates directly to your business and your wallet. As an entrepreneur and a chef, I’ve had to step into my own "Life Era" this year.

I made a decision: no more free information for friends. No more "homie discounts" that leave me operating at a loss. I had a client hire me from TikTok to cater an event, and she paid my full rate without a single question or complaint. It was a lightbulb moment. People will give you what you accept, and they will accept what you give them.

If you are a professional, you have to navigate the chaos and set a floor for your worth. I don't touch an event for under $300 now. If you can't meet that, go somewhere else. It is not personal; it is preservation.

Final Thoughts: Show Up For Yourself

Empress Renee is currently building up the Sisterhood Women's Empowerment Movement, hosting exclusive retreats to help women find this exact kind of strength. Meanwhile, I just sent my brand new book, Recovering from a Cry, to the publishers. We are both out here thriving because we finally decided that our peace is non-negotiable.

So, to every woman reading this: Stop silencing your voice for the comfort of others. Stop waiting for the medical system, your partner, or your job to suddenly recognize your worth. You have superpowers inside of you that you haven't even tapped into yet.

Keep moving forward. Show up every single time. Take the life, and leave the bullshit exactly where it belongs—on the floor.

I’ll see y'all later!